From the Hope Farm

Last year, shortly after our home was burglarized and other stressors began to surface I became overwhelmed and physically felt the effects of not taking care of myself. I was feeling so frazzled, always behind and not quite able to get control of life.

I called a wise friend to process my immense stress. This dear friend stopped me mid-sentence and said, “Cyle, your breathing is very labored - I can hear you gasping for air- you are also not taking deep breaths." She went on to explain that by taking short gasps of air I was actually causing my body more stress which added to the emotional stress I was already experiencing.

This is when I learned the importance of deep breathing. This tool has has helped me through some very stressful times.  Deep breathing combined with scripture meditation can really calm an anxious mind.

My dear friend and worship partner, Christine Vales, asked me to lead worship with her at a retreat that took place this past weekend.  Ironically, the retreat was called  BREATHE.

The entire weekend was focused on breathing, struggling to breathe, awareness of breathing etc. I was continually reminded to be still, quiet and just breathe.  With new seasons on the horizon, this weekend could not have come at a better time.

We were immersed with scriptures of God’s love and his spirit wooing us to just be quiet. Be still. We were contantly reminded of all the names of God. We were constantly led in deep breaths.

To top it all off, I had the priveledge of co-leading worship for these precious ladies





Christine and I had a refreshing time together... we laughed a  lot, encouraged one another, and our spirits were united in worship.

The weekend highlight for me consisted of two things:

First, while rehearsing the set-list I was listening to one of Chrstines originals for which I was supposed to find a piano part, but it just did’nt seem to be there.  I kept beating on the computer desk, thinking "I wish we had someone to play Djembe."

We were rehearsing and there was a drum sitting around so I just picked it up and started playing, when Christine said, "That sounds great! Play that at the retreat!" Sure, I thought - I don’t know anyone there. The first drum song went so well that I played it on three more and I had a ball… I loved every second of it. 

Two years ago while pregnant I bought a djembe video and used to play along with this tribal guy who talked crazy talk about going back to rhythyms in the womb or something. I did this for several weeks but got busy and never touched it again.

This weekend it was like my mind just told my hands what to do and it worked. I love learning new things or discovering things I might be able to cultivate into a skill.

Ok- so Shannon was uploading the pics and he found this clip that a girl at the retreat took with my camera... He made this video... He's sweet!
Oh- and the second hihglight of the weekend will be in the next blog! This one is long enough!
Cyle's Hidden Talent from Shannon Lewis on Vimeo.

I have been seeking to disengage the automatic thought patterns that seem to cloud my view Jesus.

I mean, very simply: sometimes when I try to focus on Him, I am inundated with thoughts about what people think about me - whether they approve or are pleased.

As a co-worship leader, worship leader, singer, & songwriter I find that there is a constant battle to be fought and won in order for effective worship to take place.  This battle consists of judging the success of the “worship session” by the comments or feedback of others. Simply put, we are constantly battling Satan’s attempts to get us focused on others opinions.

Have you ever led worship, or participated in a worship set in some capacity & felt that God really showed up - the worship was incredible - only to find that the feedback was not what you expected? Or how about the times you feel things did not go so well and yet find yourself amazed at how others respond?

There are always those special people whose opinions are weighted much heavier in mind – we all have them. I am saddened at how much mental energy and time I have spent wondering what it would take to get this person or that person’s approval. God is wooing my heart with these words, “I want my opinion of you to be the most important in your mind.”

Take, for instance, this past Sunday leading worship with Shannon: in lieu of the sweet times I had been having with Jesus, and the unity Shannon and I were experiencing in our marriage lately, I was particularly excited about this time of worship together. I prayed fervently for God to use me as a vessel, to glorify Himself through me, and to create in me a clean heart. Well, the last thing he is definitely doing.

Well, wouldn’t you know that most everyone whose opinion was of high value in my mind was in the first service. Shannon decided to drop a song at the last minute, and whispered it around the stage, but – unfortunately - I was far away and never got the notice. I started playing the song planned, then realized I was wrong, jumping into the planned song (which I knew very well). But the nervousness caused by being caught off guard, combined with my concerns of other’s opinions, threw me off: I stumbled through the song - not playing it nearly as well as I could have. Yes, this is the gentle way of saying that I made some mistakes. Shannon – knowing that I knew the song well - was quite frustrated and asked what in the world happened.

I sat quietly backstage in between service ands I said “God, what happened? Shannon and I have been so in sync lately but clearly we were not on the same page on STAGE in front of a lot of people and people whose opinions really MATTER to me.”

The thought came over me: “Cyle… ask me whether I was pleased with your worship - ask me whether you ministered to my heart.” My first thought, “How could you be pleased?” “Just ask me”, He said.  I silenced my anxious thoughts and I did just that. I was amazed at the response. Jesus began to talk to me about the condition of my heart. He told me what was pleasing to him. He showed me where my motives were off. He quietly reminded me that I had exalted certain people’s opinions and that He was doing a work in me, purifying my motives. I was humbled. I walked into the second service with an abandon that was so sweet. I had already made a screw up and had nothing to prove to anyone anymore. Of course everything went well, but – of course – the folk’s whose opinions I was interested in – they weren’t in that service.  So I had to resolve that they would probably remember this Sunday as the Sunday I made a mistake, but the Lord said, “That’s Okay.  Do you think – as long as someone’s opinion is an idol in your life – that I will allow you an opportunity to puff yourself up with a good performance before them ?” 

“ ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

God is jealous after my heart – He wants the only thing that ultimately matters when I am worshipping to be HIM.

Life is grand with two imaginative superheroes! These two super men are the greatest arrows cupid has sent my way… they melt my heart daily.

A lil bit bout Baby Boy:

Every time Tucker says "no, no, no!" I am aware that he is not our baby anymore, and my heart melts everytime he says “yes, maa”. The latter statement only comes when I say things like- "Hey Tuck- do you want some ice cream?" Or "Do you like that new puzzle?" Otherwise, it is "No, no, no!" - constantly.

Sometimes I feel as though there is a parrot at our house - Tucker mimicks everything.

He wants to potty-train. I think the window that the experts talk about is upon us. I’d rather wait for the door, personally.

Tucker is so beautiful and often when I see him in the morning, feel I could eat him up. I often can’t believe he is my child.

He has a brute strength of will that will take him far in life.

If I had to tell you Tucker's love language I would guess quality time. (taking after his mother on this one). If he is awake and not eating he is ALWAYS dragging anyone that seems remotely interested to a quiet, spot away from people to play with just him. He takes you to the closet, tells you to unlock it, shows you the puzzle he wants, take you to the table, tell you what chair to sit in and then put your hand on the puzzle. Any person that walks in our house is a likely target to be Tucker’s personal playmate.

He is hilarious, AlWAYS evoking laugher from us. Yesterday I found him here.

                                        He is such a joy to my heart!

A 'lil bit bout Big Boy:

Kenimer is overjoyed to see people he loves. He is always thinking and talking about people that are important to him.

He is very attached to me right now - he never wants me to leave and when I leave and return he often says “Mommy, I was worried about you." The statement that almost always follows melts my heart: "I just very, very want you.” He often tells me I am beautiful, and cool.

He has a knack for making people feel welcome. 

Some regular Kenimer-isms are (when first waking up): "I missed you, I am so glad to see you"; "Wow, this is great!"; "Hey, the sun is up, its time to get up now!"

His daddy asked him to record a verse on one of my songs which is on our forthcoming c.d. - an experience that was very special to him. After Tucky was in bed he got to come into the studio, the  mic was lowered, and he had his first recording experience ever. When he heard it playback, he did a happy dance and jumped in Shannon's lap and said "I love you Daddy!" Apparently, he felt really important.

Last Sunday he went to Kid jam (which he is not actually old enough for, but...) - one of his "big girl" (a highschooler) friends took him. I was later told that he solicited himself to play the part of David on stage, and had the room in stitches. Apparently he really hammed it up and was a real hit with his four year old acting in a program that is for 6 year olds and up. 

I was'nt surprised a bit when Shannon heard the stories at the church on Monday morning. Ttat was just like my Kenimer to steal the show. He loves the stage... especially if he is on it!

He recently demonstrated some compassion that greatly moved me- regarding the bike. My first born is too precious for words!

My heart is full of love for my two supermen-boys!