From the Hope Farm - Entries from March 2010We are in holding pattern...
We are in a holding pattern…
So the other day I was leaving yoga class and I ran into a friend.
She was telling me about her recent trip. The trip became a bit interesting when the return flight was caught in a holding pattern. The flight was about to land but was unable due to some unknown issues. So my friend explained that the flight announced “ we are in a holding pattern” She said it became quite monotonous to make constant circles…she was ready to land and the holding was kind of irritating.
My friend and I, we parted ways - I picked up the kids from the gym nursery.
But all day long I had a picture of a plane circling round and round and these words played throughout my mind “We're in a holding pattern”…
Then at certain stressful moments in the day… I heard the words in a more personal way.
“I have you in a holding pattern, we will soon land, do nott fret”, my dear Jesus was whispering.
How many times do we feel we are just waiting for God’s plans to unfold. To land in the plans and purposes He has placed in our hearts?
There are many poems and songs written about Jesus holding us in hard times…I think this indicates why the holding pattern image was so peaceful to me. When we are unsure of where to go or what step to take next Jesus comes in picks us up and carries us, or better yet he carries us to the clouds and circles around and around until it’s time to land! Pain and Apple Orchards
I visited another Church this past Sunday to see a guest Worship Leader, Rita Springer. Her worship would be best described as “wreckless abandon”, and has touched me for years. This worship experience was simply her and the piano. She would occasionally talk and share stories.
Two of her original songs have been anthems in my life over the years: “Worth it All” and “I have to Believe”. These songs bleed that tension between recognizing emotional and physical pain while simultaneously relating to God as a loving Father. The intensity and abandonment with which these songs were penned simply scream humanity and real life. We are all wrought with the flesh and its’ limitations - this is where God’s strength comes in.
The entire worship set was such a reprieve for my soul but one particular statement stands out: Rita was talking about her brokenness as an 11 year old child growing up in a Christian home. She articulated her journey, highlighting loss, grief and physical stress, and how she dealt with her pain. She said hat she continually gave it back to God. Lastly she said Jesus spoke to her, “You trade in your pain and I give you a heritage shaped with your pain.” She illustrated further by saying “It’s like you give God your pain daily and one day you look in your backyard and there lies an apple orchard that was sown with the seeds of your pain.”
I can think of several blessings that have come out of hard times.
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!” - Psalm 126 Kiddos jumpin on the Bed...
At our house, we have some rules. Rules are inevitable in a household where a 4 yr. old and 2 yr. old reside. One of our strongest enforced rules is this: Kids are not allowed in Mom and Dad’s room…unless they are invited in.
Sometimes in the a.m. we cuddle all together and play-wrestle. This usually happens on holiday mornings, birthdays and occasional Saturdays. This rule is especially enforced when Mom and Dad are getting dressed. Nothing worse then trying to find the perfect outfit while your 2 yr. old dumps out your shoes or adorns himself with 25 necklaces.
So the other day, the boys got a treat. My friend, who happens to be a fabulous photographer was doing some experimental shots with me beside my favorite window, which happens to be in my room. I left the door open and the boys wandered in. I started to shoo them out when Sarah asked if they could jump on the bed. I said yes and the boys were overjoyed. They NEVER jump on my bed.
Jump on their beds…yes, plenty but not ours. check out the Photo Tip Friday here: http://sarahdeshaw.blogspot.com/2010/03/photo-tip-friday-4-show-personality.html
 
Sarah, used the pictures to illustrate how to capture personality. Check out her blog to see how she taught this photo tip. Sarah does a photo tip every Friday, as a mom I have learned some neat things from her tips about photographing kids, family events, life at every angle. There is nothing more frustrating as a parent then trying to get kids to smile and " pose" for the camera. It is special to have pics that were effortless. The kids were having so much fun, and it shows naturally in the pics. I can't wait to do more fun kiddo photo shoots! I decided I want a rain puddle, play in the mud photo shoot with boys before they grow up!
To Save a Life
Lemme tell ya 'bout…
...a Sunday night movie at the theatre with Inside Out Youth group and the leaders (well, and a wife!). The movie was titled To Save a Life. This movie sort of reminded me of a teenage soap-opera-type story line, or - to really date myself - a modern 90210 with some coolness and a Christian message ('cause 90210 even back in the day was so NOT cool).
This movie really stirred me up. Scenes from my own teenage years were flashing across my mental screen like a racing reel-to-reel. The vintage memories or scenes had been laid to dormancy. I sat for two hours watching a movie about teenagers and their issues only to be rudely reminded of my own teenage years.
Man, oh man - you could not pay me to go back. Of course there is the usual thought "...if I knew then what I know now…": P- shaw. Oh, the contradictions and healthy tensions between trying to individuate and respect parents, trying to break free and maintain family ties. It’s tough, rough, and amazingly exciting all at the same time.
The youth pastor in the movie reminded me of my old Youth Pastor - he was amazing. He really loved me right where I was. He loved everyone this way. He talked to you like you were important. He has been a hero, mentor, and the primary means of salvation to so many for over 20 years.
Shannon and I have also had the honor of working with two of the best youth pastors in our area - or on the planet for that matter. I have seen these two guys broken for the hearts of the kids. They truly love them, cry out to Jesus for their lives, and spend countless hours praying for them. I personally know these guys and their wives on a very personal level and I know how they daily lay down their lives for the teenagers.
My favorite scene in the movie is when the Sr. Pastor was questioning the youth pastor about what types of kids were coming to youth group. The youth pastor is not concerned with upholding a certain image but rather wanted the non-Christians to be able to come “as they were”. This thought reminds me of a song I begun in January. The words...
Come just as you are..
dirty, filthy rags and street garb,
come as you are.
You think your chapters have all been written
I look at you and see a blank page, full of possibility.
Good youth pastors seen beyond the sin and shame plaguing these kids and see the potential. Jesus sees a blank page...full of possibility.
Check out the trailer
It's a picnic wedding!
Last night we had a wedding music consult meeting with a most unique, original couple.
I already knew this – maybe since I’d been in homegroup with this couple for a while, seen their engagement pics shot by Chris Moncus which where off the chain creative. I’d also been to one of her showers - it was a total picnic, floral theme, which was bustin the roof with originality.
Then I heard her wedding C.D. compiled with music she hand-picked which was shakin' up some traditions. It was fresh, new, and right up our ally. Shannon and I put the kids down, and were using our flylady skills to get the house company ready in 15 minutes. I was cleaning kitchen while he was clearing the table. Being the multi-taskers that we are, the C.D. was playing while we cleaned. I stopped mid pan-wash and Shannon froze with broom in hand - we looked at each other and exclaimed, "THIS MUSIC IS AWESOME!"
This compilation was a mix of singer-songwriter stuff that is not really mainstream. I asked ”Where did you get this song?" She answered “Oh, I heard that on NPR."
Yes, you heard me … on NPR. So, she is unbelievabley unique and creative, but also very organized. The next day I got a detailed e-mail outlining all that we had talked about in the meeting. I was so grateful. I wear a lot of hats and am prone to forget things. Thanks Jessica!
So Shannon and I get to learn 9 songs that are fun, and fresh. They all have a 50’s old timey feel. My favorite breaking-wedding-tradition - instead of 30 minutes of prelude instrumental she is actually having us play a half hour of these fun tunes. Let the rehearsals begin!!! I am even going to play the djembe on one (or maybe two) of them…
Sunday Mornin' - the Bus is a'Waitin'....
Yesterday was a most favorite day in my book. Why?
Shannon was leading at SSCC and I was singing harmonies and playing keys for him.
I Love: Sunday Morning when we get up at the crack of dawn to catch the bus - when the kids eat their toast in the car - when I am slap wore out on Sunday afternoons and the whole house is hushed with nappingness…
The day looks something like this:
We lay everything out the night before (and I do mean, everything).
We get up really early and head over to the bus stop to catch the bus to SSCC.
SSCC staff ride the bus to church to eliminate parking issues. The boys think this is so fun. Their backpacks are ready with snacks, drinks, games, ipod, etc.
We arrive at the church, and I have someone set up to watch kids while we sound check/rehearse. The main rehearsal is on Thursday nights so this is really just to spot check and review levels. This past Sunday the sitter was a younger sister of a girl who was singing on our team. The boys had a blast sitting in the lobby: Kenimer loves Sunday rehearsals since that is one of the rare times he gets to play games on the IPOD. Tucker put together a mini puzzle.
After practice they go to breakfast club which is set up for children of volunteers or staff who serve one and attend one. This keeps the kids from having to attend their tiny town class twice.They eat breakfast and play games. After first service I get the boys and we hang out in the Rush Hour room (middle school service) while Shannon is usually practicing. This week, Kim Dixon was leading for Rush Hour. We enjoyed listening to her rehearsal.
 
The kids always eat their snack and play some more… often stopping to run laps around the room or wrestle with middle school youth pastor, Justin. Then it’s time for 2nd service and I take them to their Tiny Town classes. On Sundays we only go to one service, Keminer often cries because he does’nt get to ride the bus to church, or attend breakfast club.
This week as I sat backstage I realized how blessed I am to be able to do this with my life partner. There are things I have been praying about for a while regarding my personal life, heart for worship, attitude and so on. I realized that Jesus indeed is changing me from the inside out.
Here is a short worship confessional from the perspective of a keyboardist and back up singer:
Happy Day (Hughes)- walk in music- I love how Shannon started this song- Acapella and then built it. I especially love the keyboard riff.
Glory to God Forever (Fee)- Such a solid worship song- we had done it three weeks before, congregation responded well and I love the harmonies.
Wandering Heart (Saint Lewis original)- a song about returning to your first love. I am so humbled and blessed to have been part in writing it. Check out tomorrow's blog for a bit more about this song.
Not Guilty Anymore (Aaron Keyes) This was a communion song about being set free from the bondage of our sins. Shannon and I are getting to know Aaron and his family and have already been so blessed and encouraged by them. This is a short excerpt from Sunday...take a listen...
"Not Guilty Anymore" (Aaron Keyes) led by Shannon Lewis @ SSCC by SaintLewis
Then our closing songs:
You, are my King (Foote)- Great response song.
Mighty to Save (Hillsong)- Love the Laura Story riffs in the beginning- This song is so anthemic. It touches me every time I sing or play it. We combined Laura Story's piano intro riff with Hillsong's driving intro rhythm. It really worked well!
Here is my best friend and songwriting partner and I - backstage between services!
Wellness Wednesday: surrender and God's Sovereignty
The heartache, tragedy and pain that this world brings can render questions, anger and doubt. I see that the only way to remain Well in the midst of crisis is to surrender. To give up. To relinquish. - To trust, to love and to hope.
It’s been a gut-wrenching, tear–jerking, composure-wrecking Wednesday. Yet, it’s also been a blessing in some small ways as well.
Shannon and I sang Chris Tomlin’s “I will Rise” in a funeral today: a six year old who had developed Leukemia a little less than two years ago. His mommy was a MOPS mate of mine. I wish that I could say that we were close and that I knew her well – I can’t – but I can say that there have been a number of occasions that she’s blessed my socks off.
I was at “Open Gym” at Golden Isles Gymnastics. I had an almost-two-year-old and was pregnant – it had been a tough week and I was feeling very discouraged. She walked up to me and said, “I don’t think you know me but I have been attending Saint Simons Community Church and I wanted to tell you that I am really blessed when your husband leads worship.” That brightened my day.
Later in my pregnancy I began double-stroller shopping at yard sales. One Saturday morning I happened upon her yard sale and she was selling the exact stroller I had been hoping for. When I tried to pay for it – if my memory serves me right - I think she gave it to me or I paid about nothing for it. She even carried it to my car because I was prego.
Her oldest son was diagnosed with Cancer, and her difficult journey began: we saw her less and less, and kept up via updates – fundraisers and such.
Then, Summer of 2008 - I will never forget - I was at a Doctor’s office with Kenimer. It had been – for me - a very stressful day. I had been waiting a very long time only to find that I had to go to the car to retrieve some documentation I had left. It was one of those unprepared mommy days where I had left home with no sippies, snacks, etc. I was trying to figure out how to grab my child – {who was having a total melt-down} - walk outside in the heat and return with required papers. Right then, she walked in with her 2nd son, in a bathing suit and cover up, having just come from swimming lessons – her older son in Jacksonville getting a chemo treatment with a family member while she was taking the day to spend with her little guy. Just then Kenimer started screaming and the front desk lady rudely reprimanded me.
This girl reached out her hands offering me help, “Here - let me put him in the stroller and I’ll stroll them around, while you go out to your car”, reaching ino her basket to produce a brand-new box of teddy grahams. Kenimer was overjoyed. I walked outside, retrieved my papers, and headed back in – but feelings of being frazzled, stressed, and pregnant evoked tears on the way back in the building. I tried to gain my composure but she still noticed. She said, “I have plenty of these days, myself – trust me.” I felt that an, angel had come to my assistance, but as I left the building it hit me that her other child was in a hospital in another town with cancer, and she had just offered ME help, comfort, and encouragement!
When I received word that he had passed away on March 5th I could not stop thinking of his sweet mother and what a blessing she had been to me. She had touched my heart, and my heart was moved at the funeral today.
Strangely enough, I remember almost nothing about singing/playing the song – I just felt God’s presence so intensely that it was like an out-of-body experience – as though I was watching me do it from a distance. Strange how moments filled with such sadness can also be powerful and revelatory. I am so aware that when tragedy and crisis come knocking we find comfort in sweet surrender and the realization of God’s sovereignty.
The words Job 1:21 come to mind “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." Breath Retreat - Martha Bowmen UMC
Last year, shortly after our home was burglarized and other stressors began to surface I became overwhelmed and physically felt the effects of not taking care of myself. I was feeling so frazzled, always behind and not quite able to get control of life.
I called a wise friend to process my immense stress. This dear friend stopped me mid-sentence and said, “Cyle, your breathing is very labored - I can hear you gasping for air- you are also not taking deep breaths." She went on to explain that by taking short gasps of air I was actually causing my body more stress which added to the emotional stress I was already experiencing.
This is when I learned the importance of deep breathing. This tool has has helped me through some very stressful times. Deep breathing combined with scripture meditation can really calm an anxious mind.
My dear friend and worship partner, Christine Vales, asked me to lead worship with her at a retreat that took place this past weekend. Ironically, the retreat was called BREATHE.
The entire weekend was focused on breathing, struggling to breathe, awareness of breathing etc. I was continually reminded to be still, quiet and just breathe. With new seasons on the horizon, this weekend could not have come at a better time.
We were immersed with scriptures of God’s love and his spirit wooing us to just be quiet. Be still. We were contantly reminded of all the names of God. We were constantly led in deep breaths.
To top it all off, I had the priveledge of co-leading worship for these precious ladies
Christine and I had a refreshing time together... we laughed a lot, encouraged one another, and our spirits were united in worship.
The weekend highlight for me consisted of two things:
First, while rehearsing the set-list I was listening to one of Chrstines originals for which I was supposed to find a piano part, but it just did’nt seem to be there. I kept beating on the computer desk, thinking "I wish we had someone to play Djembe."
We were rehearsing and there was a drum sitting around so I just picked it up and started playing, when Christine said, "That sounds great! Play that at the retreat!" Sure, I thought - I don’t know anyone there. The first drum song went so well that I played it on three more and I had a ball… I loved every second of it.
Two years ago while pregnant I bought a djembe video and used to play along with this tribal guy who talked crazy talk about going back to rhythyms in the womb or something. I did this for several weeks but got busy and never touched it again.
This weekend it was like my mind just told my hands what to do and it worked. I love learning new things or discovering things I might be able to cultivate into a skill.
Ok- so Shannon was uploading the pics and he found this clip that a girl at the retreat took with my camera... He made this video... He's sweet!
Oh- and the second hihglight of the weekend will be in the next blog! This one is long enough!
Cyle's Hidden Talent from Shannon Lewis on Vimeo.
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From the Hope Farm by
Thoughts on family life, and 'life as worship' from a 30-something Wife, Mother, Worshiper, Worship Leader, Songwriter, and Musician.
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