So, I have a new relationship with reading. Yes, I LOVE books - lots of different ones. With the onset of new years resolutions I made a reading list for 2010. WITH NO FURTHER ADO let me introduce you to my most recently completed book.
Boundaries with Kids When to say yes, When to say no, To Help your Children Gain control of their lives. By: Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
After all it is the year of the family. In January our church announce that 2010 would be the year to focus on family. Therefore our church turned into a mini-college, offering a 'degree' in family via every course imaginable on different days of the week. There were book tables offering every resource under the sun etc. Ok - no degree was given but you get me right?
This family theme was so timely for us. Sometime in the fall of 2009 we looked at each other and had the talk, resulting in a more purposeful life for us. We decided that there was no longer room nor was there time for excuses. We would pursue our dreams - using gifts and talents we would hone our crafts while focusing on living life to it’s fullest We also noted that when we are not experiencing the fullness of our potential and working towards goals we become complacent in parenting. We both desire to parent our kids in such a way that they would be filled with ambition, goals and dreams, full of life and living to their fullest potential. As a parent I often find myself enundated with fulfilling basic needs for my children (health, clothing, sleep, rest, safety, etc), then the paradox emerged: how can we foster these things in our children if we are not living examples? I’ve always heard there is no better teacher than example. We began to pray about how to prioritize our life. Obviously each and every thing we are involve ourselves with in some way affects the entire family.
So, mid-May I was at church and saw that a Summer book club was being offered for moms. The course was titled Boundaries with Kids. This was a five week class that occurred one morning a week with childcare. I quickly signed up. A brief picture of those five weeks- sitting in a room with 20 other moms discussing what was read, how it related to our parenting, processing the concepts and putting them to practice. The tensions of trying to understand the concepts while revealing our own struggles with mothering proved invaluable to me. As a parent this book will step on your toes. So many times while reading, I saw weaknesses in my own internal boundaries with others and myself. Boundaries with kids is broken down into three parts: 1.Why Kids need boundaries, 2. Ten boundary principles kids need to know. 3. Implementing boundaries with kids. While every chapter of this book is beneficial and highly enlightening I want to focus on two truths that resonated with me as a parent
1. A recurring theme in this book: as parents it is our job to set the boundaries. To apply the limits and show empathy while it is the job of our children to protest the limit. This was quite an aha moment for me. Ok - I get it, this is what they are SUPPOSED to do. They must protest, try to change the limit - I must hold onto the limit and show empathy, while they internalize the limit, accept it and develop a loving attitude toward the limits set for them. This concept was continually repeated as a reminder that as parents we have a job. Some have a tougher time than others depending on the temperaments of your children. Nonetheless it is a job that takes a lot of work (and prayer).
2. The last golden revelation I found was in Chapter 11. I am happier when I am thankful: the law of envy. This chapter talks about the dangers of entitlement in children. Before reading this book, I had begun to notice a sense of entitlement among some teenagers and it deeply saddened me. Page 176 states that humble people are those whose entitlment has been broken. They have been humbled, have received, and are thankful for what they have. In that kind of stance God and others are most likely to give them more. This discussion in class occurred two days after I had been around some teenagers that were displaying this "sense of entitlement". I also began to search my heart and repent of any entitlement I might be holding on to. This brings me to the above statement which states that a humble person is one whose entitlement has been broken. This statement hit me like a ton of bricks. First off, I always thought I was not humble - I thought humble people were always quiet and soft-spoken. Why? those people usually get labeled humble. But humility is more a state of the heart rather than a personality trait. I love how the statement mentions that a humble person sense of entitlement has been BROKEN - thus indicating that we all suffer from a selfish nature - thinking that the world owes us. We all wrestle with this fleshly egocentricism. I found this gratitude stealer in many areas of my life. Let's just say that last chapter hit me hard.
This is a practical read for every parent. It is now on my husbands bedside table!